Seriously, this is ridiculous. I should not be exhausted from a three hour time change between the east and west coasts. However, I'm dead tired.
I'm sitting at my desk on my lunch break wishing this day would end. I don't want to be here. I don't want to be anywhere. I would say I want to sleep, except even being dead tired, I have had the hardest time falling asleep over the last month.
I blame it on Ennui. Wiki's description: "The original French word Ennui, means general lack of interest, boredom or depression. It may also refer to oppressive boredom. It refers to a state of being rather than a passing mood as is generally the case with 'boredom'."
I have a general lack of interest in my job. I am depressed from the feeling of being in a non-moving state; the lack of set plans for the future makes me feel like I'm not going anywhere.
Ennui with life as it is now. I need a change. Lately I lay awake thinking up ways I can change my current situation and I get frustrated, bored and depressed.
To focus on brighter things, here are some happier moments:
- I was in Fresno. I miss Fresno.
- I am back in DC. I miss Fresno and my family.
- I have a new delegation coming in next week.
- I was late this morning so the Examiner courier didn't hiss at me at the metro station since he was already gone. He's Hispanic so he says "essaminer" and therefore hisses incessantly as people walk by. It's worse than a snake and it creeps me out.
- I have a newly married sister and a new brother in law. More family came to their wedding than I've seen in a long time. It was a beautiful wedding. I want to elope.
- I'm babysitting four times this week for much-needed extra money (but another reason for lack of sleep)
- I received a letter from Elder Bryan Wesley Carlson :)
- I had breakfast with Dama.
- I sang "Life is a Highway" with G while eating dinner.
- I found the "Dark was the Night" album while perusing music at Barnes & Noble. I purchased it.
- I brought a leftover wedding favor sugar cookie back to DC with me. I couldn't even wait a day to eat it and when I did, I savored every bite. Pure goodness.
- Two of my best friends, both named Melanie, may be moving out to DC.
- I saw the sun shining and felt the wind blowing (cold) on my face this morning.
- I'm alive
beck
