Getting Ready to Go

I'm going to Kentucky this week! Woot woot! Sad story is that my brother is going on a mission and this will be the last I'll see of him for two years.

Okay, okay, a mission is a good thing. Yes, he should be going. Yes, it's a blessing that he's worthy and able to serve. Yes, he's serving the Lord.

But what about me? How the heck am I going to survive the next two years without him? I can hardly survive now and I can call him anytime. The sad thing is I don't call him all the time.

I'm realizing that living far away from home has made it harder to go home and spend time with my family. My family is not so readily accessible. I haven't come to grips with that idea. Kudos to missionaries who deal with it for two years. I suppose I'll have to deal with it for two years in the opposite way.

It's also kind of sad that I didn't feel so devastated when my other brothers left for their missions. I suppose I felt more secure in where my life was going at those times. Now it's uncharted territory with a new job and new opportunities. I would like very much to get married sometime in the next two years too, which means that my brother will not be at my wedding. That is not fun to think about.

I've seriously bawled several times in the last week as I prepare to drive to Kentucky. I haven't cried like this in years.

Have you ever felt completely alone and desperate for a deeper connection than you have with the people around you? Have you ever had to call home everyday just to get a glimpse of that feeling of wholeness? I can relate. This is how I've felt for the last couple months.

No one likes to read a sob story or a personal slam on oneself. I just had to record this. I'm going to take pictures of my visit with him. I'm going to post them on here afterward and have a more positive attitude.

beck