Writing about death can come across as cheesy, trite and just...not enough. But last night I saw The Fault in our Stars and I feel moved to write some of my thoughts about the living. (no movie spoilers here!)
In college I learned that my high school Biology teacher's son committed suicide. This is what I know of the story.
In 2001, 9/11 happened--as we all know. One of my high school teacher's friends was killed in the attack. My teacher later took his family to visit the grave of his friend. My teacher was pretty grief stricken and got pretty emotional at the grave site. Knowing him only as a chipper, humorous Biology teacher, I can hardly imagine this scene, but apparently he was bawling and quite overcome with emotion.
A few years later, when his son committed suicide, his son cited that scene at the grave site in his note to his family. The son claimed that seeing his dad so grief stricken was too hard to bear. The world is too cruel and hard to live in. He wanted out and he made his way. (Can you imagine the blow my teacher might have felt in feeling responsible for that whole scene?)
I don't mean to say that I often think of committing suicide, but I often think of that son's claim. The world is too full of sorrow and pain to live in. And after watching the fictionalization of two star-crossed lovers deal with terminal cancer, it's ever more present in my thoughts today. The hardship, pain, sorrow, suffering, loneliness, despair (all the worst words you can think of) are only one part of our mortal existence. And they will always be here to cause us grief.
The other part of our existence is all the good words you can think like hope, joy and happiness, on top of the growth and understanding that comes from hardships.
So how to enjoy the living and seek the better part? I don't intend to even try to answer this question, because I think I struggle to answer it for myself. I think we have to re-learn the answer to that question every day.
beck
