Word of the Day/Week/Month/Year/Always

sin·cere
 

1. honest and open: honest and unaffected in a way that shows what is said is really meant
2. not feigned: based on what is truly and deeply felt

Synonyms: honest, open, frank, natural, straight, unaffected, candid

This is how I feel right now--and really all too often. For I find I am so earnest that my sincerity is nearing a point of desperation. I seem unable to entertain frivolities. This is my word. This is me.

beck

Ghosts in Social Media and Beyond

I've been thinking about and wondering what happens to my deceased friends' social media accounts. There's nothing quite so haunting as seeing some of my deceased friends tagged in posts on facebook. They're long since gone, but they still get tagged in posts and photos in memoriam. Sometimes, I'm sad to say, I get a little excited only to remember the sad truth of their loss. And every time I log in to Skype I see my friend's name who passed away this year. I know that I can remove it, but I can't bring myself to do it. I guess I like the reminder that they once were there. I probably like it for the same reason I like wearing my grandmother's ring and necklace: I don't want to forget. And the more I remind myself, the more recent the memories feel to me.

Coincidentally, someone else was thinking about this topic with me yesterday. Spooky. And they wrote this post on the subject. It's kind of morbid to think about writing down usernames and email addresses in case you die. But now I think I might do it. That's what journals are for, right?


beck

Running

I made my way back to The Oatmeal yesterday and came across this awesome comic about running.

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/running

It's perfect timing as I'm just beginning to train for my first half marathon. I'm doing the Nike Women's Half Marathon in April!!!

beck

Go where you wanna go, do what you wanna wanna do

What do you do when you have an opportunity to do something you really want, but the details don't really add up? E.g., the timing is off, the finances don't add up, it's not actually the job you wanted, or it conflicts with other really cool opportunities.

I'll share with you what I do. Don't get too excited though, because it's not a perfect formula.

I mull.it.over. in my mind. I try to work out all the details and make all the pieces fit. That logical approach doesn't always work--that would be too easy.

So then I talk to my family. Then I talk to my friends about it, with varying degrees of detail.
After I feel like I've done all my own "research," then I pray, fast, or do whatever is needed to give me spiritual confirmation.

But in the end, I usually do what I had wanted to do from the start. However, in the meantime I hesitate and wait until I'm absolutely certain that I'm making the right decision.

The thing that bothers me about my decision-making process is that I've rarely ever received a big YES from Heavenly Father, and even more rarely have I received a big NO. Perhaps that says something about the decisions I'm making. Perhaps in choosing between two goods most of the time (which I hope is the case) that it's really just up to me to choose what I want. I know Heavenly Father knows me and loves me. I know he wants me to be happy. I feel that I've been given abundant freedom to live a happy and free life. Sometimes I just want a big arrow every step of the way.

So this post was brought on by a big decision I had to make a few weeks ago. An opportunity came up for me to work out of our NY office for the next few months...and I turned it down! The timing wasn't right and there were some better opportunities for me here in DC that I wasn't ready to give up yet. AND my sister Rach is going to fly out and spend time with me here (if she can get a job) while she's on her break from school.

Though I still wonder about whether I made the right choice, I'm determined to make my choice the right one. I hope that someday I will be able to recognize all the fruits of my decision.


beck

NYC with Melanie!!!

beck

I Want it All

Last week I got to visit the Bay Area and had some real good times. I dabbled in Oakland, San Francisco and Half Moon Bay. And it made me really miss living in California.

 

Side note: My co-worker visited Oakland just a few days after me. And completely by coincidence, stayed really close to where I stayed and went to the same mac and cheese restaurant Homeroom for dinner. She loved it too. (Thanks for taking me there, E!)

sorry, it's a lil blurry!

My mom came up to hang with me for one of those days. At one point she asked me the ever-pertinent and prevalent question: "If you could have one house either on the beach or in the mountains, which would you choose?" Every time I hear that question, I have to answer: "a house on a mountainous coast." I just want both. I haven't scoped out the perfect coast for this yet. However, I was impressed by the cliffs along the coast in Half Moon Bay. I am sure I would be happy living anywhere along the northern coast of California.

But then...whenever I think of settling down somewhere, I get really uncomfortable. I want to move and see the world. I want to live in many places and experience different paces of life. I want to freeze in Siberia and blister under the sun in Cairo. I want to live abroad for long spans of time, but be able to return to a familiar home base in the U.S. I want to stay at the Plaza in New York and sleep in a hut in a developing country.

I always thought of myself as a patriotic person. I even majored in American Studies. I am an American through and through. However, I always intended to use my studies to learn how to best represent America--for better or for worse--outside of the U.S. I've been working post-college for the last five years and didn't go abroad until this last summer. My priorities have somehow directed my actions and funds elsewhere. I intend to rectify that problem.

So, don't worry about me. I have plans. They just take some preparation. Because I know that one day, I will have it all. In the meantime, I will do my best to be content with the present. I will continue to work really hard. I will be grateful for the incredible gifts and opportunities I have right now in the incredible (and somewhat shutdown) city of Washington, DC.

beck

P.S. I read some blogs today that inspired me to take action and record my thoughts on this. But it was a conversation about this TED talk last night that got me really thinking about what I want in life--where I want to be and what I want to be doing. I watched the TED talk tonight and thought I'd share. I think I still fall into the category of "loyalty to a nation state," because I still want roots somewhere, preferably in the U.S. We'll see.

Working/Playing in NYC

"Don't you just love New York City in the fall?" Why, yes. Yes, I do.

I am in NYC for work again! Work will be fruitful. However, I'm really looking forward to doing a few things in my free time before I head home tomorrow.

First priority is to visit the High Line.

At some point today or tomorrow I will take a bunch of photos of the activity buzzing around the UN General Assembly. Our office is right across the street. Access to the area is restricted and surrounded by police officers. I am certain I will get some photos of those men in blue too.

A couple friends encouraged me to visit Momofuku the last time I was here...and it's been on my mind ever since. Magnolia Bakery is on my food list too. Both places are dangerous for a girl with a sweet tooth. But I have been practicing so much self control lately. I think I am up for the challenge.

If I can get a decently priced ticket on this trip, I want to see Eugene Onegin at the Met tonight. Rush tickets for $20 go on sale in an hour. Here's for hoping.

beck