I've jumped into the realm of more responsibility. Gone is the transitionary phase where generous donations are given to supplement a starving student budget. Far past is the simple life of having parents to provide for my needs. Presently, this girl is all grown up!
It took me a while to realize this had happened. I think turning 23 might have had something to do with it. Everyone tells me 23 is not old. In fact, I'm still three years younger than the average age in my ward. I know I'm not old...I'm just getting older. Now I'm closer to 25 than 20. Pretty soon I'll be closer to 30 (though 30...or 40...doesn't seem to be too old when I choose to date guys lol). It worries me that time is flying by and I'm not being effective in my personal goals or in what the Lord would have me do to better serve Him.
I understand that change is constant; change is a healthy and normal occurrence. I made a big change when I decided to come out to DC--a healthy and happy change. I thought of these song lyrics quite often during that transition period: "Here I go...and there's no turning back! My great adventure has begun! I may be small, but I've got giant plans to shine as brightly as the sun!" (Jo in Little Women). After Sister Dalton's talk at the CES Fireside tonight, I thought of how I can be of best use to the Lord. I'm trying to be realistic as I set goals knowing that changes don't have to be big and happen all at once to be effective. I have to take baby steps. "Baby steps to the door. Baby steps to the elevator. Baby steps into the elevator..."
It is extremely frustrating and discouraging that whenever I think of self-improvement, I feel like I'm making another resolution that will soon be broken. Any time I want to accomplish something meaningful, it has to be some grand gesture that is completely different from how I lived before. This makes the goal virtually impossible to attain. (I'm reminded of some friends I have who are obsessed with dieting techniques--each one they start is more obscure and outrageous than the one before and their results are less than mediocre) Especially in regards to spiritual goals, we want to "wipe the slate clean" with one giant eraser so we can start over and be better. This is so unrealistic and quite detrimental. To scrap everything and start over leaves all the experiences and lessons learned for the junk pile.
This is all food for thought. I'm a work in progress. Aren't we all?
beck
P.S. I realize I haven't been updating on DC adventures. So here's one for you: Last week on the metro, I got on at Dupont Circle to head home. Many people exited the train before I got on. I was grateful for this since it had appeared that the train was very full. I soon realized that many of those people were probably just trying to escape the weirdos on that particular car. There were probably five or six guys wearing black that covered their whole body. Then they had mechanical-looking boxy things completely concealing their faces. A few of them had tiny fake heads that sat on top of these boxes--some didn't, so they just had box heads. It seemed they were talking to each other but the voices were garbled by a machine. So...kind of weird. They got off at the next stop, so I didn't have much time to examine the specimens. I have no idea what it was all about...I guess just a day in the life on the metro. That's all I've got for now.
