“A Man Saw a Ball of Gold”

by Stephen Crane

A man saw a ball of gold in the sky;
He climbed for it,
And eventually he achieved it --
It was clay.

Now this is the strange part:
When the man went to the earth
And looked again,
Lo, there was the ball of gold.
Now this is the strange part:
It was a ball of gold.

Aye, by the heavens, it was a ball of gold.

Stephen Crane is a writer and poet from the American Naturalist literary movement who lived from 1871 to 1900. I came across this text again as I was compiling a list of American poets and poems for a translation. I took the liberty of including this text to represent Crane in the poem collection as a tribute to one of my high school literature teachers, since it was one of her favorites. I'm including it in my blog because it's refreshing for a poem to finally come to mind rather than a song--though I suppose one could argue that music is a form of poetry. Anyway, the poem has come to mind as I've thought about my goals for the future.

From the earth, as a small human being in the wide and powerful universe, the man saw gold in the sky. When he reached the ball and was elevated from his lowly level on earth, his perception of the ball changed and he saw clay. Once he attained the unattainable, the ball was not as glorious, the reward was lackluster. Then when he was lowered again to the earthly level, "by the heavens, it was a ball of gold." In truth, by the heavens, it is recognized as a ball of gold. The man's perception changed the appearance of it. Our perception of reality is more powerful than reality itself. So then, what is real and how can we trust what we believe to be the truth? Well, to that question, I have a gospel answer: the gift of the Holy Ghost.

But I think what has really been eating at me is the ball of gold that I'm reaching for. I have three big goals for the near future: get married, get a master's degree and live abroad. The master's degree can coincide nicely with living abroad, but it gets a little tricky to combine that with getting married. I have felt that I wanted and needed to travel ever since I became interested in international affairs. Up until now I have felt strongly that my goals were good, but I'm seeing clashing now with the marriage stuff. My husband's career will be far more important to our family than my own. I thought I'd be prepared to make that sacrifice.

I'm only a few months into my new job and I feel a drive to excel and move forward in my career. I can't help but feel that my ball of gold is shifting from marriage and a family to my increasing desire to succeed in a career. If I could find a man who could put up with two years in Europe while I get a master's degree, then all could be well, I think. There is still doubt as to whether or not I should even get a master's degree especially if I were to spend the next twenty or thirty years raising children. I know that my marriage and my family will be so much more important to me. Why then, do I still put so much importance on my career goals? I think that would definitely result in a ball of clay, because my perception seems to be tainted.

In our ward's Sacrament meeting today, there was a speaker who talked about marriage. At one point he quoted one of the leaders in the Church making this statement in relation to marriage: "God doesn't care about your career." All in all, a career is not as important as a family--and I don't doubt that. So, through all this, I can only conclude that where I'm heading can be right. I suppose I'll continue dating and moving forward and then make the necessary sacrifices when the time is right. I also feel it necessary to decide now that while my career goals are good and can promote righteous principles of peace and understanding in the world, the family is ultimately the most important thing on earth and in heaven; I will choose my family over my career.

So...I guess I had a lot on my mind. This is just one slice of the cake. Still thinking about Emerson. I have no idea where that road will go. Of course he's the one who really brought these thoughts to the forefront of my mind.



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